call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
