70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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