If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
