THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
