My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
