Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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