remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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