and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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