I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
