Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
