Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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