first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
high people should be assigned attendants
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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