Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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