my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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