Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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