i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
