I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
