i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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