She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
