So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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