Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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