I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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