He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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