I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
