I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
