One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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