i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
