I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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