What did we do last night that was yellow?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
