Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
