I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
