The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
