Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
