I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
