so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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