Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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