oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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