wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
