Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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