Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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