I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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