Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
