You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
