I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
