I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
