my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
