im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
