Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
