I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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