I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
