I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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